Office Hours

[knowlogram]

[Come talk to or shout at your lovely IOU Counselor. His door is always open, unless someone else is already inside.]

[Please mark your toplevel with the week and day it takes place. Comments are screened for privacy and murder-plotty purposes.]

Comments

[knowlogram]

With this group? Probably a month or so. Give or take-

[He wiggles a hand uncertainly.]

A few years? Maybe a decade at the outside. This is about the journey and the data we get along the way.

[eudaimonikos]

Oh, that's not bad!

[He's old enough to have a pretty loose concern about decades.]

Well, okay. I'll just watch this play out for now - could be fun! I've never thought much about murder mysteries before, not a lot of reading time where I'm from.

[knowlogram]

We can't force you to participate! In the murder part, I mean. I mean, we COULD, but it would kind of defeat the point, vis a vis, seeing what kind of choices you'll all make.

[eudaimonikos]

Well, obviously.[He gets that - he's not forcing his humans to torture each other, either.] But it wouldn't be any fun for anyone if it just ended within a day!

[So why bother? He's got patience; he can wait. Killing someone himself and getting away with it sounds like it could be an intriguing game, but Michael's a little more interested in seeing what the humans do in that situation. He's always interested to see what humans do!]

Are you going to give them any weapons? I'd love to see someone just get punched to death, but humans are weird about that sort of thing.

[knowlogram]

Not personally? But who knows what's in that thing in the student store. I mean, I sure don't.

[He looks vaguely unsettled, actually.]

There's a lot people can get creative with, though.

[eudaimonikos]

Oh, sure. I bet I could get one of these bozos to eat a Tide pod.

[But he can figure out a way to kill a human with pretty much anything; it's just like torture but with an endpoint, after all. That's not special. What is interesting is the computer emoting.]

What is that thing? Some kind of gumball machine?

[knowlogram]

The official title is the Fantasy Gachapon Machine. It's- basically a big capsule machine, like you see in stores sometimes? But with hammerspace mixed in.

[eudaimonikos]

[He absolutely never sees anything in stores, ever, but he's familiar with hammerspace!]

So what comes out of it?

[knowlogram]

To my understanding? Basically anything. If anything from your home's gonna show up, it'll be from there.

[eudaimonikos]

Oh, huh.

[That's interesting! Not too relevant to him personally - he doesn't really have that many personal possessions, no demons do - but a fascinating concept!]

Well, that could be useful! [.....] Maybe a little less so, if you don't control it?

[knowlogram]

I don't, no. The, uh-

[Gentleman. Guy. Employee. Dude. Person.]

-BEING that does should show up sooner or later, but even he doesn't really control what comes out. The people that designed it were very big on true randomness.

[eudaimonikos]

Stupid thing to do.

[Why would you want a random factor in any of your plans?]

Do you know which of our things might be in there? I'm wondering where my Janet ended up now. [season one Michael: also has some bad Janet opinions!]

[knowlogram]

There's always an x-factor! In terms of randomness, not the comic book mutants team.

I've got a decent idea, yeah! I can't confirm or deny anything, but it's possible.

[eudaimonikos]

[siiiiigh]

Fine. I'd better try and get her out, if she is in there. Can't exactly leave here without her.

[knowlogram]

She'll be safe until you do, at least! The capsules have kind of a Pokéball stasis thing going on.

[eudaimonikos]

It's fine, you can just marbleize them. [...] Oh, that Pokemon thing that one human was yelling about?

[knowlogram]

Yeah! Handy little device, digitizes the critters in question for easy storage.

[eudaimonikos]

Oooh! That sounds great for human storage!

[michael no]

[knowlogram]

I don't think it works on people? But who knows, you could probably science it enough to make it work. Pokemon are kind of people in her world anyway, I think.

Glad none of the games have run with that, the edgelord fan theories are bad enough.

[eudaimonikos]

Oh, but humans being edgy is so funny! They're always like "ohhhh, I'm too big and tough to be tortured~", it's great!

cw: sexual slavery reference?

[knowlogram]

Well sure, sometimes. But mostly it's just "ooh, the Rugrats are all dead and Spirited Away is about child prostitution, aren't I smart" and no, they're not, they're just masturbating to their own faux intellectualism.

jesus it's been like two days

[eudaimonikos]

[Michael snorts.]

Oh, that's like, the Cartoon Creepypasta division. Not really my field, but they do good work!

[knowlogram]

That seems amazingly specific. ...Was "Ben Drowned" on you guys, or was that actually just the internet?

[eudaimonikos]

Oh, all that stuff's made up by humans. We just adapt. I actually think there's a few guys walking around in skinsuits of that weird little statue thing...seen 'em at a party once or twice.

[knowlogram]

[He considers this for a moment.]

...oh my god, you could be Weeping Fallen Angels, that would be terrifying.